Sunday, September 04, 2005
Haizzz... Neglection neglection...why I always kena this prob... why I always been left out... I hate this! Sigh... yestd was a fun day i tot when my grp & me suppose to went to the old artist's house to shoot... then all of them late except me and tracy reached earliest. Well...it was raining heavily too...and I was not feeling well actually lah... but they din noe.. cuz fri nite I got slightly flu cuz maybe I caught a cold as fri oso a rainy day. Then yestd I was sneezing and my nose kips dripping water out... well.. i ctrl... then during the middle of the shooting... two of my members going off earlier cuz they got sth on... I mean hw can they like tat.... as a grp, no matter what, still cannot go off jz like tat... one of them nid to go wrking and other nid to attend boss's function. sigh! then bo bian loh.. left me liao... cuz the other 3 are main cast for tat shooting mah... two camera mens one interviewer... then me like v.extra there mah so no choice been asked to guard the stupid equipments outside the house with the door shut leh... then i like so boring dunno do wat... standing and waiting outside and guarding stupid things... hey excuse me, i'm not a guard leh.... I'm there to learn sth to shoot one loh... then was like am there to "Da Zha" de... really pissed off... and feel Damn fucking left out loh! Ma de, they really sucks! I hate them even worse... I hate my grp! Then I din even know wat's going on inside during the shooting period cuz I was been send out to guard things... din even see the interview process.... its like am not totally involve in that Stupid BIG SHOT GRP!!!! Fuck lah.... then I straight away unhappy... kip quiet and face turn black... sitting down the staircase boring and unhappy and lonely doing nth jz to guard and wait... SIAN! Then they came out see I like not happy, ask me why... I jz said the truth. I was being LEFT OUT! Then said no lah... said alot of stupid excuses... said lah... I still wun believe those damn excuses de loh... u like treat me... I bu shuang... then I will not be responsible anymore... Somemore said nxt time shooting other designers let me use the camera loh...say until like tat... haiz... wo bu xi han lah... Then act act go acc them eat after shooting actually I'm still v.unhappy loh.. but face still puts on smiling face... actually I really tot of going hme after the shooting... I already no mood liao... but bo bian lah... cannot like "Fan Lian" mah...wait I oso die... so no choice... I v.chamz leh....so have to act to be normal...after what they are treating me like tat. Damn! I really hate grping! I really want to die... Sometimes only complain here is the best way for me... Nobody cares abt me mah... not even my bf… recently so busy with each other wrks din even have chance to mit... really feeling v.sianz and heck care liao... I din said but my heart feels tat way. I only can said to here. They always ask me not to think so much and kip thinking of unhappy things but I tried! Still cannot leh... I feel like crying whenever I think of this... yested nite really unhappy de, I really no mood and during slp, I cry a bit to bed... I cannot help it, my mind jz can't stop thinking abt it... I began to fall sick recently... feeling no mood, no energy to do things... I feeling so pathetic... No one can help me! No one even cares abt me not even my bf & family… cuz he’s too busy to care for himself than me… How I wish I can go back to previous days so I can re choosing my own fave grp! I am so envy of my fren's grp! SIGH! I always the type been neglected... I ALWAYS FEEL LEFT OUT IN A GROUP! :'( I Hate it I hate it I hate it!!! Let me Die BAH!!!!! GOD… Let me bah~ Please!!! SOB!
Am different; Neglection
