Saturday, August 20, 2005
Sobbie Sob.... yesterday was not a nice day for kaya ah.... feeling kinda low spirits and tired... There's too much wrk to rush on and too stress on everything... Acutally kaya wasn't so stress about own stuff own projects.... is stressing abt group projs...why?! Simple...cuz kaya dun like group wrk...kaya hates doing grp wrk.... grp wrk makes kaya feels down all the time. grp wrk changed the friendship of classmates. kaya hates being left out in a grp that's why kaya dun like to social and interact... too bad kaya have to suffer and control for another 2 mths... sometimes being alone is better... no nid to feel that u r being neglect and left out cuz u r already alone. But sometimes being alone also feels real lonely...but am use to it... cuz i got my music to acc me all the journey... kaya feels like crying but hold on to it... having lunch was unhappy although very hungry, but mind kip thinking alot of things which makes kaya sad... there's no mood to talk and listen to other ppl conversation anymore..all is just kip quietly eating own food.
Again being neglect alot in a place yesterday... already feeling so sad and sianz..but always try to kip ctrl of emotion.. yet still cannot make it. Suddenly feels really frustrated and anger, throw out the temper to Dearie. Cuz he always making kaya sad and angry for the things he done yet he forgotton. It was late, trying to get home asap bt kena stopped and slam on the bed just like kaya as a rabbit gonna eaten by a lion... then..... uncontrollably cry out.. not because of the action taken on kaya is because of all the unhappy incidents happen to kaya. Violent action stop and then try to sayang kaya, feel sorry for kaya cuz being crying so jialet... Deep down inside kaya is actually v.fragile although everyone sees kaya outer is nothing or strong. Sometimes just cannot ctrl kaya emotion. Kaya hates to beg and hates to feel neglect... that's the main point of the blog. Kaya had already make up the mind of goin for attachment this Nov. Gain experience of the wrk cuz on the other hand oso no $ to go to study trip. Fortune teller is wrong cuz being told that kaya will be goin to overseas when 23 yrs old or so... but i guess its wrong cuz this study trip cannot make it. Sob....... Yesterday i dream of ghost again...and went to watch The Maid. Sigh! Soon will dream of ghost being taken kaya soul cuz kaya always wanted to let sth taken kaya life..... Please take kaya life asap!
Am different; Neglection
